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 News Archive 2018

McDonald's worker hooked the cleaning fluid
line up to the milk line in the latte machine
by Nathan'ette Burdine: August 6, 2018

This is a satirical take on a story about a McDonald's worker hooking the cleaning fluid line up to the milk line. Just so y'all know, I don't know if Denny or Pop Pop exist and most of the quotes I just made up. Having said all of that, the cleaning fluid and milk line stuff is true. Cheerios!

I’ma just say this, “If you don’t know the difference between cleaning fluid and milk, then you don’t need to be working.”

This here folks is the case with a McDonald’s worker who lives up yonder ways, up north there in Canada.

Before y’all go on bad mouthing the Canadian folks, just remember that Canada has what this world has; which are humans.

Humans come in different shapes, sizes, colors, and everything else. You got ya good and ya bad.

And we all got our good, our bad, and our “him over there.” Him over there is Pop Pop.

Pop Pop can’t do anything but sit in the corner and pop those bubbles on that bubble bag all day. Ain’t no harm in it. Some folks are just made that way.

Up there in Canada, the folks did what the McDonald’s folks in the U.S. of A, Britain, Russia, and China do; they hired themselves a Pop Pop.

Pop Pop saw that milk, and that line, and decided the best way to get some milk was to hook it up to that line and drink from it.

Now I’m sure somebody told Pop Pop a thousand times that that cleaning fluid is not to be hooked up to that milk line.

But, Pop Pop didn’t hear any of that. All Pop Pop heard was milk and line. And in Pop Pop’s mind, that’s the milk line. So, Pop Pop did what Pop Pop was suppose to do; which is to hook that cleaning fluid up to that milk line.

        "Eh, Pop Pop, what you doing over there?! You know you don’t
        suppose to be over there, eh!"

        "I fixed it! I fixed it! I fixed it!"

        "Pop Pop you didn’t fix nothing. Get your…get over here. I gotta
        help this lady out right here. Sorry ma’am, he’s in training.
        Welcome to McDonald’s, will you like to try one of our Sausage
        McMuffins today?!"

One of the workers heard all of the commotion going on and was about to go over there, but a customer pulled up and came on the headphones.

        "Welcome to McDonalds! Will you like to try a Sausage McMuffin

        "No thank you. I will like a latte instead."

        "Mom, mom I want a cheeseburger with some fries!"

        "It’s too early for a burger and fries!"

        "…but they serve breakfast and lunch!"

        "Not today!"

        "Why not?!"

        "Because I said so!"

        "But mom!"

        "No buts mister, you sit right there. You already had some
        cereal this morning."

        "Just because you’re eating for two, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t
        have any food."

        (Staring at little Denny).-"You can tell me about eating for two
        after you’ve given birth. Until then, you sit right there, zip your
        lips, and be happy with the nothing you’re getting."

Sarah Douglas, the customer who ordered that latte, made it up to the first window and gave the folks her credit card.

She then went to the next window where she got her receipt and her latte.

Douglass drove a little ways up the road before taking a sip of her coffee and then spitting it out.

        "Ahhh, what’s this?! Oh my GOD! This is awful! Jesus Christ, I’m
        going to tell them about this!"


        "Shut up Denny! They want us to pay them 12 dollars an hour
        and they can’t even fix a decent cup of coffee. I wouldn’t pay
        them 12 cents for this. Hey, hey, I just bought this and it
        tastes like crap."

        "I’m sorry ma’am. Someone hooked up the cleaning line to the
        latte machine."

        OH MY GOD! That's just awful! (Handing the worker the coffee
        cup.)-"Here and give me back my money."

        "We can place it back on your card."

        "Mom, we’re going to be late!"

        "You wait! (Handing the worker her card.)-Put my money back
         on my card. I’m going to have to tell health services about
         this. I mean, Jesus Christ. Who do they have back there
         working that can’t tell the difference between cleaning fluid
         and milk?"

As soon as Mrs. Douglass made that statement, Pop Pop came to the window, poked his head out and said, “I fixed it! I fixed it!”

        "Well I’m glad you fixed it."

        "Here’s your receipt."

        "Thanks. I’m still going to tell health services about this
        because that wasn’t right. That stuff could’ve killed me if it was
        strong enough."

Mrs. Douglas drove off, “That one fella didn’t look to be all together there.”

The health department and McDonald’s sent somebody down there to see what was going on.

A spokeswoman for the place, where over 99 billion people have been served, apologized on behalf of that location’s owner, Dan Brown.

Mrs. Douglas issued her own statement about Mickey Ds SNAFU, “As a mother, I want to make sure I have a voice and that I’m being heard in terms of the safety of consumers, and how (alleged) negligence can affect people in such a drastic way.”

When asked about what caused Douglas to report them to the health services folks, Brown pulled one of those “What had happened was” cards.

Here’s what he said, “What happened is that the machine was being cleaned-as it is every morning. Unfortunately, the milk supply line was connected to the cleaning solution while this guest’s drink was made. We have taken immediate action to review the proper cleaning procedures with the team and have put additional signage up as an added reminder.”

Brown saying he’s “fixed it,” isn’t good enough for the health services folks, though.

They’ve decided that they will come back to check and see if Brown did, indeed, fix…it.

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