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 Entertainment Archive 2017

Melissa McCarthy gave Sean Spicer some new ideas on how to handle the press
by Nathan'ette Burdine: February 10, 2017

Saturday Night Live and Melissa McCarthy did the Christian thing by giving Sean Spicer some new ideas on how to deal with the folks in the press.

Some of those new ideas include yelling at all times, using props and reverse psychology, placing CNN in a cage, calling all of the journalists who make you mad the name of the journalist who always makes you mad, and using the podium as a barricade to push unruly journalists back.

During her “Keep the press in line presentation,” McCarthy began the night by yelling at the press about how they are responsible for the not-so good relationship they are having with the White House.

“Before we began, I know that myself and the press have gotten off to a rocky start…And in the sense when I say rocky start I mean in the sense of Rocky the movie because I came out here to punch you in the face and also I don’t talk so good,” McCarthy said.

Just to be clear, no one was punched in the face. They were rammed with the White House podium, but they weren’t punched in the face.

Note to Spicer: It’s ok to ram the press with the podium as long as you don’t punch them in the face.

McCarthy also made it clear to Spicer that it is ok to admit he has certain flaws. And among those flaws is Spicer’s inability to “talk so good” and to be reasonable.

Now, McCarthy made it clear during her portrayal of ol’ Spicer there that the best way to handle any flaw is to just own it.

Take for instance the apology McCarthy gave as Spicer to the press: “Now, I like to begin today by apologizing on behalf of you to me for how you have treated me these last two weeks. And that apology is not accepted because I’m not here to be your buddy. I’m here to swallow gum and I’m here to take names. O-kay, now let me wave something shiny in front of you monkeys.”

The thing to remember, when waving something shiny in front of monkeys, is that the shiny thing must out shine the other shiny thing you don’t want them to see.

I know, y’all are asking, “What the hell you talking about.” Welp, what I’m saying is that your shiny thing must distract the press from the shiny thing that will attract them.

This is how McCarthy successfully handled that shit-uation. McCarthy began by talking about the jovial greeting Donald Trump received during his announcement of his Supreme Court Nominee.

She told the press, “Everyone was smiling. Everyone was happy. The men all had erections and every single one of the women was ovulating left and right. And no one, no one was sad. O-kay those are the facts forever and there’s something else.”

Now, Spicer needs to pay attention to this last part because it is something that generally happens to folks whose porch light isn’t always on.

And anyone who’s had a chance to observe ol’ Spicer there in action knows that he isn’t always there in the building.

The “something else” McCarthy waved in front of the press was her email password, which she quickly told the press to “stop writing that down.”

So yeah, Spicer, don’t give the press an Email Gate by giving them your password because I guarantee you they will find everything the “Russians found” but have not told us about.

After leaking the email password, McCarthy then went on to tell the press about the White House movie screening of Finding Dorie.

I know, a White House screening of Finding Dorie is funny in and of itself. But, that’s the point. Finding Dorie is the “shiny object” that was used to distract the press from the other “shiny object” which was the abolishment of the National Park Service at 6 o’clock in the evening.

I know what y’all are saying, “What did the press say about the abolishment of the National Park Service?”

Welp, the press said nothing. The press was so shock about her talking about the White House screening of Finding Dorie that all they could do was sit there with the mouths wide open.

And that is something Spicer would want the press to do whenever he says something stupid as he typically does.

Yeah, y’all remember how ol’ Spicer stood up there and said the travel ban is not a ban.

It is the same thing McCarthy did when she told the press that it was not a ban but it is, “When you use the words and he uses them back it’s circular using of the word and that’s from you.”

Where ol’ Spicer there messed up is that he didn’t provide any props, like McCarthy did. McCarthy explained the “circular reasoning” with some props: “You need some props, my words too big. I got to show you in pictures. Great, okay, here we go. When it comes to these decisions the Constitution gives our president, lots of power. And Steve Bannon is the key, ad-vi-sor. O-kay. And our president will not-be deterred-in his fight against radical moose lambs.”

Some poor Wall Street Journal journalist had the bright idea of asking if she was “o-kay.”

This led to McCarthy picking up the podium and ramming the woman back into the crowd. “You cannot come at me like that or I will put you in the corner with CNN,” McCarthy yelled at the woman.

CNN, of course, says that they are not fake news. But as far as the Trump Administration is concerned, that is still open to interpretation.

Last but not least, don’t forget to bring a water gun filled with soapy water in order to clean out a reporter’s “filthy mouth” whenever he/she asks an “offensive” question like, “Why you didn’t mention the Jews in the Holocaust?”

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