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 News Archive 2019

People formed a human chain in order to save
a swimmer who was caught up in a rip current
by Nathan'ette Burdine: July 15, 2019

A satirical take on a true story!

People are good. At least, some of them are. Case in point, down in Panama City Beach, Florida, a group of beachgoers formed a human chain in order to save the life of their fellow human who was being swept away by a rip current.

The person was out swimming too far in the ocean when he got caught up in the rip current. He was hollering, “HELP, HELP, HELP!” Folks saw his arms and legs going up and down in the waves that were pushing him further and further into the Gulf of Mexico (Gulf).

    One guy was like, “Hey, that guy is about to drown.”

    And the lady was like, “Yeah, we better do something. Let’s form a
    human chain.”

So everybody got up off their beach towels, locked arms, and went out into the Gulf to save the poor fella.

One fella had to disconnect from the human chain because he had to stop his eight month old Pitbull named Tickles from grabbing everybody’s beach towels.

Tickles had his eyes on those beach towels the entire time while he was there. Tickles likes to get the towels and roll around in them. It’s Tickles' thing!

One lady caught Tickles eyeing her beach towel. She stared at him. Tickles stared at her beach towel. She slightly pulled her shades down and then gave Tickles the “don’t you dare” look. Tickles looked at her, whimpered, and then placed his little paw over his eyes.

That lady decided not to join in the human chain because she had a feeling that Tickles was a BTS (Beach Towel Stealer).

They got the poor fella, placed his feet on the sand, and wrapped him up in one of the beach towels that the dog didn’t use.

The lady, who was protecting her beach towel from Tickles, looked over at the man and asked him why he decided to go all the way out there in the deep end when he saw those red flags out there, knowing that Hurricane Barry had just left.

The poor fella couldn’t say much. All he did was shrug his shoulders. That wasn’t satisfying for that lady, though. She kept wailing on his head until the EMT arrived:

    “You’re over 21. You know better. You see red that means you
     could be dead; which is what you almost were if it weren’t for
     these people here. You could’ve taken a lot of people with you
     down there to your watery grave. You better hope the sheriff
     doesn’t charge you!”

    The poor fella started boo-hoo crying, “I know ma’am. I know. I
    know I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

After seeing the tears roll down his cheeks, the woman decided she’d take pity on him. “Young man, you need to be careful with that adrenaline rush you young folks are always having. That can get you killed and I know you don’t want to be dead,” is what the lady said.

The young fella just kept boo-hoo crying while the folks around him patted him on his head and dried him off.

After about 10 minutes, the EMT arrived and placed the young fella in the back of the wagon.

As they were driving off, the young fella managed to raise one hand and wave bye to his fellow humans who formed a human chain so that he could continue being.

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