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 Entertainment Archive 2016

The Donald doesn't have time for thinking
by Nathan'ette Burdine: November 26, 2016

On Saturday Night Live, Donald Trump (The Donald), who’s played by Alec Baldwin, decides he doesn’t have time for thinking.

Thinking is a strenuous activity that the Donald cannot partake in. So The Donald does what only he can do. And what The Donald can do is ask Siri for help, scrap something, keep something, and have Mike Pence (Mikey Boy) do everything.

The setting is Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, New Jersey. The Donald has a heavy load for his day which includes talking to normal people, Kellyanne Conway (Kitty Kelly), General Dunford, and Mitt Romney.

During his conversations with the common folks, The Donald begins to realize that he can’t preside “bigly” over the United States Government like he does over his golf club.

The weight “of all of this” is bogging down Kitty Kelly. The “very secret” plan to get ISIS is going to remain “very secret.”

And the partnering with a political foe, Mitt Romney, is “not going to work.” Never fear, the Donald has a plan. In fact, he has a “big plan.”

The survey SAYS, The Donald’s “big plan” is to ask Google “what is ISIS?” The answer Google gives to the Donald is, as he says, “Oh my, 59 million results.”

After seeing that the internet is a library with a wealth of information on ISIS, The Donald decides he’ll just ask Siri how to handle the radical Islamic terrorist group.

“Siri, how do I kill ISIS,” The Donald asked. Unfortunately, Siri does not have an answer on how to kill ISIS, but she does have an answer on how to fry a turkey for Thanksgiving; which The Donald doesn’t ask about.

Recognizing that the weight of the world is literally on his shoulders, The Donald decides to reassure himself with his own special “wusaw” phrase, “Big beautiful boobs and buildings, big beautiful boobs and buildings, big beautiful boobs and buildings.”

If only The Donald just had to deal with “big beautiful boobs and buildings,” then he wouldn’t have to scrap the program to deport 11 million immigrants, keep Obamacare, and have Mikey Boy do everything.

Yeah, this whole president thing is clearly going to suck big time for The Donald there.

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