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 Entertainment Archive 2016

Why did Dave Chappelle as Negan kill the crackhead first
by Nathan'ette Burdine: November 26, 2016

There are some of you who are asking, “Why would Dave Chappelle as Negan kill the crackhead first?” Welp, the answer to that question is simple.

Crack gives a person God-like superpowers. Or, as the late Rick James said, “Cocaine is a helluva drug.”

And cocaine in its hard, rock solid form is a helluva, helluva drug. Crack heads can withstand rain, wind, sleet, snow, hail, and bullets.

You stab a crack head, they don’t feel it. You shoot a crack head, they don’t feel it. You burn a crack head, they don’t feel it. They’re like an atom, indestructible.

And in Dave Chappelle’s The Walking Dead sketch, an indestructible crack head, Tyrone Biggums, threatens Negan’s reign as the king of The Walking Dead.

Biggums has survived all the hazards of living that you can think of. He’s been stabbed, shot, and even set on fire.

Negan can’t have any of this because killing is the way in which he keeps his troops in line.

Needless to say, it will be impossible to keep the troops in line when all they have to do is get a hold of some crack and become indestructible like Biggums.

So Negan does what he has to do. He lines everybody up and decides who’s going to get batgirl Lucille upside his dome.

Those on the line to possibly get the first blow were Chappelle’s famous characters pimps Beautiful and Silky Johnson from the “Player Hater’s Ball,” crackhead Tyrone Biggums, Channel News 3 Anchorman Chuck Taylor, Lil Jon, and the blind supremacist Clayton Bigsby.

Negan tells them he is having a difficult time deciding who’s going to be death’s dance partner tonight.

So in order to determine which unlucky soul will “dance with death,” Negan comes up with a nursery rhyme: "Bubble gum, bubble gum in a dish. How many pieces do you wish?"

Biggums tells Negan that he will like to have two pieces of bubble gum because his “mouth feels dry.”

Negan smiles and tells him he’s “a feisty one.” Biggums tells Negan that bubble gum is a treat because all he gets in his line of work is penis.

This caused Negan’s smile to turn upside down and him to give Biggums, who was scratching profusely, a look that said, “You dirty, nasty, mutha.”

After hearing about Biggums unfortunate line of work, Negan then turned his attention towards the others in the group.

And being true to his pimp nature, Silky sizes Negan up and tells him how fashionably late he is.

Silky says to Negan, “Well, well, well, a nigga named Negan. I think you look more like a Stephanie. Your face look like Fonzie made the Negro league…Them some ugly ass boots you got on there. As the white boys say on the internet, what are those?”

Not amused by Silky’s jokes, Negan looks at the “Player Hater of the Year” as if to say, “If I hadn’t already made up my mind, your behind will be the first to get a taste of Lucille’s Midwest swing.”

Meanwhile, Channel News 3 Anchorman Chuck Taylor, who is next to Silky, is balling out of his eyes. Taylor tries bargaining with Negan.

He tells Negan he’ll give him sex or money, which leads to Biggums saying he’ll take him up on the sex offer.

Unfazed by Taylor’s “special offerings,” Negan tells the Channel News 3 Anchorman to “MAN THE FUCK UP!”

But instead of “manning the fuck up,” Taylor tells Negan that he can’t be death’s dance partner tonight because he already has a dance partner in life.

“I have a wife,” says Taylor. At this point, Lil Jon decides to add his two cents in with his famous “What…o-kay” line.

Taylor then ask if “All live matters,” in which Silky tells him that “the black lives don’t.”

As Taylor is engaged in the back 'n' forth with Negan, Bigsby begins sniffing the night air like a hound dog.

Bigsby says to Negan, “Well, well, well I know that smell anywhere. Perspiration and Cocoa butter, looks like we got us a niggra amongst us. Why don’t you put that bat down monkey!”

Negan reminds Bigsby of his “condition.” Negan says to Bigsby, “Monkey? Don’t you realize you’re black?”

Bigsby tells Negan he is not suffering from a chronic case of “blackness” because he is a Trump supporter.

Or, as Bigsby puts it, “Ah, from what I hear, this hat will say otherwise (putting on Make America Great Again hat). Trump’s America now boy!”

Negan lets Bigsby know that although this is now “Trump’s America,” they’ve made a grave error by trespassing onto his (Negan) land.

And due to them trespassing onto Negan’s land, they had to be taught a lesson or two.

And what better way to teach a lesson than to reveal who was going to be death’s dance partner “tonight.”

Negan says to everyone, “You can breathe. You can blink. You can cry. Hell, a lot of you are gonna be doing some of that.”

Considering the fact that Silky and Bigsby cracked on Negan something terrible, a person would think that one of them was the top candidate to be death’s dance partner.

But, nooooo, Negan decides to pick the indestructible crackhead, Biggums, to dance with death.

And as expected, things didn’t go as Negan planned. Negan takes Lucille and knocks Biggums’ head clean off his body.

Biggums head rolls around on the ground and then comes to a stop. He looks up at Negan and ask “Hey Negan, which one of us is y’all gonna hit? The suspense is killing me.”

Negan then swings the bat again, missing Biggums’ head several times. Enjoying every moment of this, Biggums mocks Negan by saying, “Strike one, strike two-Body, help me out!”

Biggums’ body runs towards his head, picks it up, and runs off into the woods.

And being the observant fella that he is, Silky Johnson simply says, “Note to self, remind me to try crack.”

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