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 News Archive 2018

A 13-year-old boy fell down into a sewer pipe
by Nathan'ette Burdine: April 6, 2018

I can’t help it! It’s sad but funny all at the same time! A 13-year-old boy fell down into the shittier pipe on Easter Sunday.

The kid, whose name is Jesse Hernandez, was hanging out with his family at Griffith Park in Los Angeles when he found himself in a heap of hot shit.

Now, now, now I know there are those of you who are saying, “You should be a shame of yourself picking at this kid who could’ve gotten seriously hurt falling down into the shittier pipe.”

I want y’all to know that I’m not being heartless and that I recognize the seriousness of falling down into the shittier pipe.

I’m aware of the fact that the kid could’ve cracked his skull, snapped his spine and died. But due to the fact that none of those things happened, I’m gonna talk about it the way I’m gonna talk about it.

As I was saying, “little Jesse fell down into the shittier pipe on Easter Sunday.” Little Jesse told folks that he was so scared he was about to die in a pipe full of shit that he started praying.

NBC Los Angeles quoted little Jesse as saying, “I was praying to God to help me and to not die. It was all quiet. You could just hear the water running through and you couldn’t see anything. It was dark.” Hm, now that’s sad.

The poor child had to listen to all of that water running with shit in it, while thinking to himself that this is the way he was going to go.

The good news for little Jesse is that God heard his prayer. And just like He did with Daniel in the lion’s den, God pulled little Jesse out of all of that shit.

Well actually, the Los Angeles Sanitation Department along with the Los Angeles Police Department and Los Angeles Fire Department pulled little Jesse out of all of that shit.

But that doesn’t mean God doesn’t get credit. He had to put all of those folks on the right path so they could find little Jesse down in the shittier pipe.

Mind you, the shittier line is 6400 feet and the Sanitation crew lucked up when they stumbled upon little Jesse after searching only 2400 feet of shittier line.

The Sanitation crew got some cameras, lowered the cameras into the shittier pipe, and saw little Jesse’s hand marks.

It turns out that little Jesse had fallen down 11 feet into a heap of shit. The good news is he was still able to breathe and stand. The bad news is he had to breathe and stand in all of that shit.

Little Jesse recognized that God had sent help on the way so he open his mouth and yelled, “Help!” He then quickly closed his mouth because…yeah…that shit. You keep your mouth open too long and that shit smell will get into your mouth.

The Sanitation crew lowered a hose down to little Jesse and pulled him up out of all of that shit.

They then placed little Jesse into an ambulance, which took him to a hospital where he had to get decontaminated.

And yes, little Jesse was in serious condition after being in all of that shit for at least 12 hours.

Luckily for little Jesse and his family, shit didn’t kill him on that day.

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