Nathan'ette Burdine's The Nyle Magazine

  News     Politics       Entertainment      Under the Radar      Double-Talking            

Pedestrian Traffice;
Toronto's crosswalks are
a dangerous place for
pedestrians to be
Canada Goose Toronto Jacket;
Canada Goose designed that $1,500
jacket for folks with money
Audrey Shoeman;
Cold temperatures kept a woman's body
from deterioating, allowing doctors to bring her back from a six-hour death

Vaginal steaming pot;

Vaginal steaming

A Canadian woman was hospitalized
after vaginal steaming caused her to
have second degree burns on her vagina
by Nathan'ette Burdine: November 5, 2019

A Canadian woman learned the hard way that steam cleaning that which isn’t made for steam cleaning can cause her to have a high hospital bill and a lot of pain.

Sometime during this year, a Canadian woman was suffering from vaginal prolapse. Vaginal prolapse happens whenever the vagina stretches out on all of that other stuff around that area causing a woman’s uterus, bladder, and/or her anus to just drop.

No need to worry, there. Vaginal prolapse isn’t like the common cold. You women folks can’t get it by standing next to a whole bunch of women in the elevator whose vaginas have all dropped.

The only ways you can get vaginal prolapse is if you’ve had a baby, got too much meat on your bones, real bad coughing caused by asthma, a respiratory disease that is linked to too much smoking, you’ve got men-on-pause (menopause that is), you’re old, and or you’re having trouble letting out your number twos.

Back pains, too much urination, not enough fecal excretion, and or you’re not getting the “Sexual Healing” feeling when you’re having sex are just some of the signs that your vagina has hit the floor.

The gynecologists will give you that clip board and tell you to check all that applies to you. After looking it over, the doctor will then do a pelvic floor test and or a bladder function test. If things are too bad, the good doctor will tell you to do some of those kegel exercises in order to build up your pelvic floor muscles. That way you won’t be pissing all of the time. Your back won’t hurt. You’ll be able to let your number twos out and get that sexual healing feeling when you need it.

If things are really bad, the doctor will have to put you under the gas and give you one of those hysterectomies; which has its own problems.

You need the uterus. It helps to keep your stuff in place. So, go with those kegel exercises because having your “womanhood” taken out, woo, that’s some bad business, there.

The woman up there in Canada decided that she’d do none of the above to treat her prolapsing vagina. She decided, instead, to use the non-traditional method of taking the advice of a traditional Chinese doctor whose non-traditional advice sent her en-route to the hospital with second degree burns on her “carpet.”

The traditional Chinese doctor told her to use the non-traditional method of placing a pot of hot boiling water, with herbs in it, up under her “carpet” so that the steam from the hot boiling water could flow into her carpet; cleansing it of all of the filth and grim that was causing her vagina to drop.

The woman did as she was told. She got the herbs, got the pot of water, put it all together, let it come to a boil, took it off the stove, and then squatted over it with her “carpet” fully out in the open, hovering above the steaming hot boiling pot that had herbs in it.

The woman was like, “Ooo, I feel something happening. Yes, there it is. OH MY GOD! IT’S HAPPENING! Uh-oh. Ow, ow, oh, that burns.” The woman pulled the pot of hot boiling herb water from up under her “carpet,” bent down to see what had happen, stood back up, and decided she’d better go see a board certified doctor.

The woman went down to the University of Calgary Hospital where they were more than happy to see her because she gave them, so they say, the first known case of a woman steam burning her “carpet."

The doctors were like, “This case is like none that we’ve ever seen before. We’ve seen the vagina covered in warts, crabs, and lice but never burns. We’re going to investigate this occurrence so that we may present our findings to the public in digital format through Amazon dot com.”

Anybody with good sense knows that not all carpets are made to be steam clean. Whenever you add steam to anything that steam shouldn’t be on, it burns it. And that’s what happened to that woman’s “carpet.”

She added steam to her “carpet” that wasn’t made to be steam clean and it left burnt spots on her “carpet.” Mind you, it’s not like the information wasn’t out there for the woman to get. When Gwyneth Paltrow and her steam cleaning “carpet” company goop had Chrissy Teigen on Instagram showing the women folks how to Stanley Steam clean their “carpets”, gynecologists came out in droves telling the women folks that it ain’t natural to be cleaning their “natural” like that.

Dr. Jennifer Wider told the folks over at the Women’s Health Magazine, “The vaginal area is sensitive and these types of burns can be painful and difficult to treat.”

Let me tell y’all something, Chrissy Teigen, Gwyneth Paltrow and all of these other crazy folks out there who got y’all running around here cleaning out y’all’s insides know they’re wrong. That’s why they tried convincing folks that all of this steam cleaning of your “carpet” will relieve the menstrual pains y’all feel. When in fact, all y’all got to do to relieve those period pains is to take some Advil or Motrin IB. Heck, even a Pina colada will do.

The point is don’t be treating things with just any ol’ thing that doesn’t have a FDA warning, expiration date, company label, and bar code number on it. Now, I don’t want y’all to think that I’m being hard on Gwyneth Paltrow and goop, there. Because when you put stuff out there, folks tend to run with it; especially when you get a celebrity like Chrissy Teigen to post a video of herself on Instagram “Stanley Steamer Cleaning” her “carpet."

The men folks be like, “Baby, you may not be as fine as Chrissy Teigen but your ‘her’ can smell as fine as her ‘her’.” And then the women folks be like, “Boo, you right. I deserve to smell just as good down there as Chrissy Teigen do. Let me go get dem herbs so I can get that Chrissy Teigen smell. Mm-hmm.”

Next thing you know, the ER is overran with women folks who can’t sit down because they’ve severely burn their “woman hood”. That’s why it’s not far fetch to think the woman read an article or two in goop that made her think “steam cleaning” her “carpet” was the way to go.

It’s just that her condition from “steam cleaning” her “carpet” suggest she didn’t read what I heard. And what I heard is that goop is now telling the women folks not to “Stanley Steam Clean” their “carpets”.

I heard it went a little something like this, “The gynecologists have shown us some Godawful pictures of women who used our herbal method to clean their vaginas. There were burns EVERYWHERE down there! Oh my God, it was like so awful! So please, please, please, don’t use a pot of herbs and hot boiling water to clean your vagina. Just let nature take its course.”


comments powered by Disqus