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 Under the Radar Archive 2021

Death refused to let Bernie Madoff serve out his 150-year prison sentence
by Nathan'ette Burdine: April 14, 2021

Ol’ Man Death refused to let world renowned Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff stay around long enough to serve out his 150-year prison sentence.

So, yesterday, Ol’ Man Death got up and dressed himself in his Tuesday best and then took a first class flight, on Eternity Airlines, down to Butner, North Carolina, where Bernie Madoff has been housed in a federal prison, since 2009, for his stealing of $17.5 billion from a diverse pool of investors that included the poor, middle class, rich, and wealthy.

After getting off the plane, Ol’ Man Death then Ubered to the Federal Medical Center where Bernie Madoff was on his last leg. Ol’ Man Death walked into the federal facility and then headed on over to Bernie Madoff’s room.

Bernie Madoff was lying face up, in the bed, with his eyes closed. Ol’ Man Death went on in, sat down next to Bernie Madoff and said, “Bernie…it’s time to feel the burn.”

Bernie Madoff’s soul exited his body, looked over at death, and decided that this is a man he could bargain with in order to get more time on Earth.

While sitting on the edge of the bed next to his lifeless body, Bernie Madoff turned towards Ol’ Man Death and said, “Two years is all I need to clear my name of wrongdoing. If you give me that time, I’ll go to any god of your choosing and convince him to give you an upgrade from this “garbage collector” role the gods have placed you in.”

Ol’ Man Death found it quite funny that here, this fragile lil’ ol’ man with 82 miles on his system, thought he had the power to negotiate with death, let alone a god.

Humans, like Bernie Madoff, who steal in order to build themselves a mansion on the hill tend to overestimate their importance. They become so drunk off their own hubris that they begin to believe that they are gods. But like the lot who came before him, Bernie Madoff would soon learn that no human is a god.

The only gods are the gods. And all of those who make the mistake of believing that their ability to use the art of persuasion to bend their fellow humans at their will makes them an equal to the gods end up suffering the same fate.

Ol’ Man Death looked down at the fragile ol’ man and then with a simple motion of his finger, stood the ol’ man up. Shocked by the power of the figure before him, Bernie Madoff became speechless and childlike. Seeing that he had overplayed his hand, Bernie Madoff did the only thing he could do which was to submit.

Bernie Madoff lowered his head, slumped his shoulders, and followed behind Ol’ Man Death who took him to a door with one arrow that pointed down.

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