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 Politics Archive 2016

Donald Trump wants to win that popular vote
by Nathan'ette Burdine: December 18, 2016

Now, y’all know Donald Trump (Street Corner Donald, The Donald ) is not too happy with all of this recount business because it’s starting to make folks see that Hillary Clinton’s (The Hills) popular vote lead is growing and growing and growing.

And the one thing Street Corner Donald cannot have folks thinking is that he is not popular.

As far as Street Corner Donald is concerned, it was nothing but the peoples’ love for him that helped him to knock the blue out of the Democrats’ blue wall.

Hell, Street Corner Donald has told y’all several times that everybody loves him! The women folks love him. The black folks love him. The Hispanics folks love him. The Muslim folks love him. And it appears as if even President Obama (Tropical Barry) is starting to love Street Corner Donald.

According to White House Spokesman Josh Earnest (Joshie E) and Street Corner Donald’s Senior Adviser Kellyanne Conway (Kitty Kelly), Street Corner Donald and Tropical Barry have had many conversations talking for hours about everything under the sun, the moon, and the stars.

There is, however, a slight problem with all of this love Street Corner Donald says he is getting.

And the problem is that the polls aren’t showing Street Corner Donald getting the most love.

The polls show The Hills getting nothing but love from the voters. As it stands,The Hills has 69 million votes to the Street Corner Donald’s 66 million votes.

This resulted in The Hills’ team deciding to support Green Party Candidate Jill Stein’s (Jilly Not Too Chill) recount efforts in Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania.

These three states were going to be The Hills’ blue wall that kept Street Corner Donald on the corner of Fifth Avenue and helped her to make her way back to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Only this time, she would have been going as Madame President and not Mad-dame.

But oooh, that blue wall came a tumbling down after Street Corner Donald campaigned in the rustbelt towns.

It was just that the love they showed wasn’t as great as it needed to be in order to give Street Corner Donald the extra oomph he needed in order to take the lead in the popular vote.

Street Corner Donald won the rust belt states of Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania by the skin on his teeth. And when I say the skin on his teeth, I mean he won all three states by one percentage point.

Needless to say, the fact that the recount efforts have shined a brighter light on the closeness of the race and The Hills’ ever growing popular vote lead has caused Street Corner Donald to throw a tweeter tantrum: “In addition to winning the Electoral College in a landslide, I won the popular vote if you deduct the millions of people who voted illegally-Serious voter fraud in Virginia, New Hampshire and California.”

Street Corner Donald also blamed the media for all the love he didn’t get and folks not knowing about all of this alleged stealing going on in these three states that The Hills won. The media’s response is, “Yeah, what the fuck ever man.”

Sooo, yeah, it would be an understatement to say that Street Corner Donald doesn’t like it that The Hills won these three states which Street Corner Donald believes he should’ve won because, let’s all say it together, “EVERYBODY LOVES THE DONALD.” Haaaa, The Donald! He’s a hoot!

For her part, Jilly Not Too chill says she’s all about upholding the integrity of our democracy.

And all she wants to do is see if the Russians or other folks managed to throw a monkey wrench into our democracy by hacking into our voting machines and giving us the wrong president-elect. Jilly Not Too Chill tweeted, “#Recount2016 aims to kickstart a national conversation around the integrity our electoral system and our democracy.”

Just to be fair, Jilly Not Too Chill equally dislikes The Hills, Street Corner Donald, the Democrats, and the Republicans.

Let Jilly Not Too Chill tell it, they’re all filled with homemade sin. And the evidence in this sinful pudding rest in the fact that neither party has asked for a recount.

As Jilly Not Too Chill put it, “Has anyone wondered why no other campaign has requested a recount with so many questionable results.” Translation-They’re all dirty, dirty, dirty.

Street Corner Donald isn’t buying into any of this, though. He sees Jilly Not Too Chill as a self-serving woman who is also The Hills’ wing woman. Or, as he tweeted , “The Green Party scam to fill up their coffers by asking for impossible recounts is now being joined by the badly defeated and demoralized Dems.”

Unfortunately for Street Corner Donald, the recount efforts by Jilly Not Too Chill do not erase the fact that a majority of folks have nothing but love for The Hills and not him.

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