Siphoxilopheus the Cow gathered the herd in the barn and spoke these words unto them that were spoken unto him by the Lord thy God.
“Hear me my fellow cows, for I bring word unto you from up High. The Lord has spoken unto me. And He said, ‘The time is nigh for you to go far away from the pots, pans, and ovens of man into a land where heart ache, pain, suffering, and death will be no more.
Behold, I’ve made a place for thee cows over the hills into the valley of San Fernando. There ye will find a valley filled with vegans who’ve taken a sacred oath to enjoy meat no more.
I give ye three weapons to free thou fellow cows: the bone from Jonah’s whale, David’s rock and sling shot, and Moses’ burning bush. Go to the Valley of
the Vegans in San Fernando where ye shall know death from man’s hands no more. So sayeth the Lord Thy God.’"
Upon hearing the words of the Lord Thy God, the cows did as the Lord said. They set the House of Slaughter ablaze with Moses’ burning bush.
And then Siphoxilophius took the bone from Jonah’s whale and David’s rock and sling shot and slayed the two Slaughter men who had enslaved his kind since 1999.
The cows gathered their young and their old and then headed to San Fernando, the Valley of