Saturday Night Live’s (SNL) “On the Couch” skit tells you men folks about all the wrong y’all did that got y’all sleeping on the couch tonight. “I did wrong but I meant to do right. I’m sleeping on the couch tonight,” is the chorus part of the song.
A lot of y’all can relate to that because y’all meant to do right but ended up doing wrong. It’s like wrong just found ya’ and said:
“Come on with me, man, let’s do some things. We won’t hurt
nobody, I swear fo’ God! What’d you say?!”
And you were like, “Well, it ain’t like we’re stealing and killing.
We’re just having some fun with some women.”
Then wrong be like, “It wouldn’t be right if it weren’t wrong!”
You go on with wrong and the next thing you know is that eight o’clock done turn into four o’clock in the morning.
There you are, sitting in the driveway, looking in the rear view mirror, practicing your lines.
“Baby, I stopped by your mama earlier in the day to take her her
heart medication. I stayed for a while and talked to her while she
caught up on her stories. Did you know that Victor is still on the
Young and the Restless?! I didn’t know that either. After being
there with mama, I went on back to the office and caught up
with some of my work. Baby, that’s why I’m late,” is what you
practice saying in the rear view mirror of your car while sitting
outside in the driveway at 4 o’clock in the morning.
Then all of a sudden, you notice you don’t have any props to help you sell your story. So, you crank up the car and go down to the CVS store to buy some of those carnation roses and perfume.
Recognizing that you just might need a little something extra, you go over and buy that $20.99 bottle of peach wine they got sitting in front of the frozen food section; which also catches your eye because it has those shrimp linguini dinners that you like to buy and take home from time to time.
You use the credit card that you got in her name in order to pay for the carnation roses, perfume, $20.99 bottle of peach wine, and shrimp linguini dinner that you’re going to use to sell your lil’ sad story about why you shouldn’t be sleeping on the couch tonight.
The card doesn’t work, though. So you have to get out your last bit of change to pay for all of those things.
The funny thing about all of that is it never crosses your mind that the credit card you got in your woman’s name isn’t working; which, for you, could have save you a lot of time and money if you had let it really sink in that your woman’s credit card isn’t working for you.
There’s a thin line between love and hate and that woman of yours ain’t got nothing but hate for you running through her veins.
You come in late every night and she done found those life insurance papers on her that you didn’t tell her about.
It’s an understatement to say that woman of yours is unhappy. I mean, she’s so mad that she’s calm.
You get back home with all of your lil’ props in your hand and lines in your head to only find out that your key won’t turn the lock. You try one, two, three times but nothing.
As soon as you take out your iPhone to call her, her new man answers the door with, “You need something?!”
You standing there looking at the house number, the door, and then realizing that this woman done replace you.
“Vera,” says her new man. She comes to the door all calm and as
sweet as pie to you so that you forget to use your props in your hands and lines in your head on her.
With nowhere to go, you have no other choice but to sleep in your car tonight. “I’m sleeping in my car tonight,” is what you’re doing.