Don’t stalk the wrong woman, now. Folks could end up knowing all of your business. Just take Raz P. Berry (Donald Glover) for example.
Raz B. Perry went walking the streets looking for his woman Jade. Instead of finding Jade, he found Ann Saunders (Cecily Strong) who was enjoying a night out with her husband Dr. Reginald Saunders (Kenan Thompson).
The two first came in contact with Raz P. Berry when he tried to run them over “Rambo style.”
Although Dr. Saunders and his wife lucked up and got out of the way, they couldn’t escape Raz P. Berry. Raz P. Berry followed the two into a restaurant.
While there, he began telling Mrs. Saunders about all of the things he had done before he left home.
Raz P. Berry said to Mrs. Saunders, “So I’m just gonna sit here in this seat and tell you a little secret. I followed you. Yup, I got out of my big car and followed you and I saw everything Jade…I went back to our apartment and cancelled all our credit cards. All of your nice jewelry, I put it right up my ass.”
Unfortunately for the jewelry, it was still stuck up Raz P. Berry’s ass. And the only way the jewelry was getting out was if Raz P. Berry laughed “too hard,” he passed gas, took a shit, or went to a Proctologist. That poor jewelry. Hmm.
Raz P. Berry went on to tell Mrs. Saunders, who he thought was his girlfriend Jade, that he had done some other things in a fit of rage.
By other things…well, here’s what ol’ Raz P. Berry said, “If I laugh too hard, that jewelry will fly right out my ass. was so mad at you girl I tried to cut my own damn thing off…but I couldn’t do it. You wanna know why? Because I passed out, just from holding the knife.”
That ain’t even the worse of it. The worse of it came when Raz P. Berry told the woman he poured piss in his hair because he remembered how she loved the smell of his hair but not his piss.
That’s right. Ol’ Raz P. Berry used his piss in order to give his hair a golden shower.
After hearing all of that and how “Tricks are for cereal” and not something a woman should become, Mrs. Saunders was able to get a couple of words in.
Just so y’all know, Raz P. Berry is the type of fella who would spell Trixs as tricks. That’s just him. As I was saying, Mrs. Saunders told ol’ Raz P. Berry, “I’m not the woman that you think I am because I don’t know who you are. Does that make sense?”
Raz. P. Berry looked at the woman, through his dark sunglass, and simply asked, “Backup. So you’re not my girlfriend Jade?”
Mrs. Saunders told him she is the wife of Dr. Reginald Saunders. Recognizing that he had just wasted his time in stalking the wrong woman and telling too much of his business, Raz P. Berry decided that he better get up and head home to clean up the mess he had made in his apartment.
Before leaving, Raz P. Berry told Dr. Saunders this, “And hey, man to man, keep an eye on your woman.” And according to Dr. Saunders, he does just that.
For those of you who enjoyed Raz P. Berry’s singing, just know that his song, “The Night (I Watched You.)” on the album titled Razberry and distributed by Half Tilt Boogie Records is only available on Saturday Night Live’s (SNL) website and YouTube channel.