The one thing the Saturday Night Live (SNL) folks know is that folks in their golden years shouldn’t have to go out while letting it all out.
“You heard about Otto?” “He passed away," said
the ol' man.
“Oh no that’s awful,”
said the ol' woman.
“I say. They found him on the toilet,”
said the ol' man.
“That’s so embarrassing,” said
the ol' woman.
It is “embarrassing” for somebody to see you’ve
taken an “Elvis” in your ol’ age. Nobody should go out like that, unh-unh,
especially folks who have a PhD in life. That’s why the SNL folks have come
up with a way for the ol’ folks to die with the dignity and grace that
someone who has a PhD in life should die.
John Mulaney said:
“Dying on the toilet. It’s every senior’s worse nightmare. You live
a life of grace and honor only to pass in the most humiliating way
imaginable. Ass up on the bathroom floor, a loaded toilet rotting
behind you. Thankfully, there’s a solution that’s both elegant and
The toilet death ejector (TDE) is what this new innovation is called. When you’re about to have the big one, heart attack that is, just press the red button and the toilet will eject you off the shittier into your bed, with your ass up high in the sky.
Don’t worry. The toilet will flush all that doo doo brown down and spray the bathroom with lavender. That way, nobody will ever know you were there before you exited out of here.
Just so y’all know, the TDE has defects. Not everybody gets ejected onto the bed. The toilet doesn’t always flush, and there’s no wiping of your
"back door." So if it’s overflowing, well, you know.
“You hear Ced passed away?” The ol' man asked the
woman responded with, “Oh no!”
“It’s a shame. At least he died peacefully in bed reading
scripture.,” said the ol' man.
“Oh that’s nice. Yeah,”
said the ol' woman.
“Only thing was his pants were around his ankles and there was
shit everywhere,” said the ol' man.
Don’t y’all go getting all uppity, not wanting to buy the TDE just because y’all have heard y’all may find grand-daddy overflowing in his own stool.
As the young fella Mulaney said, “Our team of engineers guarantees that the toilet death injector is mostly accurate.”
Grand-daddy will get his bible. The toilet will be flushed and lavender will be sprayed in the bathroom.
Most importantly, grand-daddy will die the way a person who
has a PhD in life should die and that is respectfully on his bed with his
ass up in the air and not on the toilet.