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 Politics Archive 2018

Scott Pruitt resigned after it came
out he wanted Jeff Sessions' job
by Nathan'ette Burdine: June 13, 2018

Hot damn! I done figured it out! Now gone Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) Administrator Scott Pruitt (Ratty Pru) decided to say deuces to everybody because that story about him trying to take U.S. Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard (Alabama Beau, Mr. Magoo) Sessions III’s job was about to take off like grease fire.

I can see the headlines now, “Jeff Sessions out and Scott Pruitt in.” Boy oh boy oh boy, that there would’ve sent the pinstripe suit wearing Republicans and the overall plaid stripe shirt wearing Tea Party folks rolling.

Unlike many folks there on Capitol Hill within the Grand Ol’ Party (GOP), Alabama Beau there is a rarity because he is a friend of both sides in his party.

And if y’all remember right, Alabama Beau was the first congressional Republican who supported Donald Trump (Yankee Don).

A support, which by the way, help to give Yankee Don the credibility he needed in order to bring those Tea Party folks over to his side.

Senator Johnny Isakson (R-GA), who says he’s friends with Alabama Beau, reminded Yankee Don about that very fact. Here’s what Isakson said, “Jeff’s a good friend of mine. He stuck his neck out early for the president.”

Yankee Don, however, has gotten a sudden case of amnesia and forgotten all that Alabama Beau there did in order to help him become the 45th president of the United States.

For over a year now, Yankee Don has been on a mission to get rid of Alabama Beau.

Yankee Don has been going around telling folks that it’s “Mr. Magoo’s” fault that he’s in all the doo-doo he’s in because of Robert Mueller (Romu) being appointed the special counsel over the Russia investigation.

But what Yankee Don fails to realize is that the congressional Republicans don’t like it when the president of the United States starts talking like the Don of the United States who believes the United States attorney general is his consigliere and should use any means necessary to get him out of all of the poo-poo he’s put himself into.

The Grand Ol’ Party members in Congress look at Yankee Don’s past year of complaining about Alabama Beau appointing Romu as the special counsel in the Russia investigation as Yankee Don coming dangerously close to overstepping the separation of power line.

Congress has its own investigations going on into Russia placing its little red hands into the 2016 presidential elections that pitted Yankee Don up against Russian President Vladimir (Poochie Pooh) Putin’s arch nemesis, Hillary (The Hills) Clinton.

The last thing the Grand Ol’ Party needs is for a situation to be set up that makes it easier for more of Yankee Don’s loyalists in congress to pull a Devin (Night Tip Toer) Nunes and try to taint the Russian investigation with evidence they get from those working in the Justice Department; which would have surely happened if Ratty Pru had his way and replaced Alabama Beau as the United States attorney general.

The GOP knows what will happen if that separation of powers line is crossed. The president will not want to cross back over. He’ll want to stay in their lane.

That’s why the Republicans and the Tea Party folks came out like women on a mission and told Yankee Don the same thing that Congressman Mike Simpson (R-ID) said which is that “all hell would break loose” if their senate bro’ Alabama Beau was made to go.

The congressional Republicans and Tea Party folks let Yankee Don know that if Alabama Beau was put out the door then they’ll throw Yankee Don’s hide out of the White House so fast that his ass will end up sliding down the North Lawn’s grass all the way down to the end of the gate.

After hearing all of that, Yankee Don flopped down in his little chair, folded his arms, and poked out his lips.

Ratty Pru then came along and was like, “Cheer up Yankee Don. I have a solution to both of our problems. I know how to get rid of the 14 investigations Congress got going on me and the Russian investigation Mueller got going on you. Here’s what we’ll do; nominate me to take Mr. Magoo’s job.”

Yankee Don pouted lips came in, widen out, and turned up into a smile. He sat up straight, placed his little arms on his desk and was like, “That’s a great idea. I’ll test it out with my folks and we’ll go from there.”

Yankee Don went around the White House asking folks what they thought about Ratty Pru taking over “Mr. Magoo’s” job as the United States attorney general.

And the response was, well, something like “HELL TO THE NAW NAW NAW!” Being the persistent human being he is, Yankee Don tried convincing folks that it isn’t such a bad idea.

Yankee Don was like, “Hey, it’s not like he’ll be there forever. I’ll do it under the Federal Vacancies Reform Act from 1998 . That way, he’ll just be there for 210 days.”

The folks in the White House reminded Yankee Don that the GOP really don’t like him anyway and that replacing Alabama Beau with Ratty Pru for even a hot pancake second will do nothing but cause the senate to file those Nixon like obstruction of justice charges against Yankee Don; which will surely lead to impeachment and the end of his presidential lifestyle he’s become so accustom to.

Yankee Don couldn’t have any of that. No sir! He loves those presidential Diet Cokes and cheeseburgers. The lifestyle of the president of the United States is better than the lifestyle of the rich and famous.

Yankee Don’s gotten use to that real good living at the White House and Yankee Don isn’t about to let anybody mess that up.

He knows what fate awaits him if he gets rid of the one person from Congress who supported him when nobody else would.

So Yankee Don told Ratty Pru that he had to go because he couldn’t be doing anything that will mess up his good living at the White House that he’s become so accustom to.

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