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 Entertainment Archive 2017

Sherman Tans messes up Selina Meyer's plans to get a presidential library
by Nathan'ette Burdine: April 27, 2017

Welp, Ben (Kevin Dunn) warned Selina (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) about billionaire, prison investor, tax evader, and recently pardoned felon Sherman Tans.

According to Ben, Tans is so “radioactive” that “he can read the newspaper on the toilet by the light of his own shit.”

And surely enough, “Shlomo Tans,” as Ben calls him, has proven to be the radioactive element preventing former vice president/president Selina Meyer (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) from getting her presidential library.

During Sunday night’s episode of the VEEP, Selina Meyer goes on a mission to get her presidential library up and running after attending the opening ceremony of former President Stuart Hughes’ Library and Museum.

Selina says to her crew, “I want a library… I’m the only living president who doesn’t have one.”

According to the former mad-damn president, she doesn’t have her presidential library because folks don’t respect her like they should.
“…nobody gives me any respect. I was a two-term senator. I was a congresswoman. I was the first woman vice president and America cannot forget that,” said Selina.

And Selina’s solution to making sure the American people know who she is is to institutionalize herself because, as she says, “Selina Meyer belongs in an institution.”

However, her mission is quickly brought to a halt by the decision she made as president to give Tans one of those last minute presidential pardons.

That decision left the folks, specifically those at her alma maters Yale University and Smith College, with an unh-unh feeling.

As she is standing for her presidential portrait, Richard comes in and breaks the news to her that Yale University is not in favor of her setting up a presidential library at the university.

Richard (Sam Richardson) says, “…we heard back from Yale and their response was emphatic. It’s a no. They said that Sherman Tans’ pardon was unsavory and not in line with the values of Yale. And then they asked for a donation to their annual fund. How much should we send?”

Being the graceful lady that she is, Selina Meyer didn’t dignify the last question with a response. She instead responded with an emphatic, “Fuck Yale…We’re going to Smith.”

To Smith, she did go. But like Yale, everything went to hell. During her meeting with Smith College President Regina Pell (Amy Brenneman) and two students, one of the students named Renee (Chelsea Alden) asked the first former female president why did she pardoned the likes of someone like Tans.

Renee asked, “I wanted to ask you about your controversial pardon of Sherman Tans and the recent revelations of widespread abuse in his women’s prisons that he owns in New York.”

And being the duck n dodge queen that she is, Selina told her she had no other choice but to pardon the billionaire/tax evader.

Selina said to Renee, “Not that it matters, but as a nephew of a survivor of the Holocaust Sherman Tans is particularly sensitive to prison conditions and he is intimately involved with every aspect of his company. Now that being said, he had no idea what was going on and he immediately fired the number five man in charge as well as a couple of sixes. But you know, the male dominated media is-they just can’t help themselves. Sadly it’s what I’ve come to expect from the gatekeepers of this patriarchal phallus quo.”

Only this time, her pardoning of Tans, along with Andrew’s (David Pasquesi) hot pants, led to her not finding a place to house her presidential library.

Andrew decided that he would have some special time with Selina’s presidential artist, Helen Wright (June Diane Raphael).

Andrew would’ve been home free if only Helen was smart enough to know that it’s not good to send another woman’s husband three text messages, thanking him for bathing her in his “love juice.”

Unfortunately for Selina, the 18-year-old women at Smith College don’t understand that whoes have no right to use another woman’s man’s special equipment.

So, being the young women that they are, they falsely accuse poor ol’ Selina there of not only being a supporter of white collar criminals like billionaire/tax evader Sherman Tans, but of also being a supporter of men sexually harassing women.

A young woman named Denise (Makeda Declet) yelled at Selina, “Helen Wright is a victim!” Selina tried telling the young woman that Andrew had done her and Helen Wright in with his “rod and staff.”

The young woman wasn’t hearing any of that. In response to Selina saying that she was also a “victim,” the young woman yelled, “How the fuck can you say that?! DON’T TALK OVER ME!”

Needless to say, that experience did nothing to change the former mad-damn president’s mind about women being in one place all at the same time.

Selina told Pell, “I don’t like to use the word shrill because it’s so misogynistic, but there’s not a tampon to keep those 18-year-old bitches in line.”

Pell said she understood but then she suggested that Selina re-hire the whoe who let her ex-husband/man explore her Garden of Eden.

Of course Selina Meyer wasn’t down with this. She told Pell that her bringing the fast tell heifa back would be similar to “Princess Di hiring Camilla Parker Boyles to be her limo driver.”

Seeing that she had no other choice, Selina decided to go ahead and deal with the, as she called her, “art skank.”

Welp, that didn’t last too long. Soon after re-hiring her, Richard came into Selina’s Bronx office and told her that Smith College “said no” to housing the Selina Meyer Presidential Library and School for Public Policy and Women Studies on the College campus.

To this, Selina Meyer simply said, “Well, you (Helen Wright) can pack up your crayons and get the fuck out of here.”

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