Like all bad things, Donald Trump’s love affair with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un came to an end.
The love affair ended after Kim Jong-un found out about Trump trying to get a deal with him just so he could get the Nobel Peace Prize.
“I told Kim, ‘Look, you have great, beautiful beaches here. I see
that whenever you are exploding your cannons into the ocean,
right. I said, ‘Boy, look at that view. Wouldn’t that make a great
condo?’ And I explained. I said, ‘Ya know, instead of doing that
you could have the best hotels in the world right there. And from
me to you Kim, me to you, I will build you the condos, the hotels,
and the restaurants that bring you the tourists who will give you
the money you need in order to live the lifestyle you want,'”
Kim thought about it for a moment but he just wasn’t sure. He’s the other lover and Kim knows that all it takes is another young dictator in order to get Donald attention.
“I don’t know Donnie. I don’t know. I mean, it’s nice here. I’m
happy. I like the fireworks show we put on over the beaches and
my people like it too. I don’t know Donnie. I just don’t know.
Nooo,” Kim said to Trump.
Sensing Kim was not all in, Trump turned, gently placed his hand on Kim’s knee and said to him:
“You don’t have to give up your fireworks. I have to say that
because of, well, you know, her, America. America tells me to say
those terrible, awful things about you. And I have to say them if
I’m gonna keep her off my back so I can continue with what we
have. And we have something special here Kim because you’re
something special. I mean, look at what you’ve done to my hair.
America turned it white but you turned it blond again. I don’t
know of anyone who could’ve done that. But you did because
you’re something special Kim, something special.”
Kim just kept his eyes on the wall ahead. His father and grandfather always told him that no foreigners, especially westerners, should be allowed into the homeland.
They are outsiders who have ways that will poison the minds of the North Korean people.
And yet, here Kim is, sitting with an ol’ Western man who’s made him his mail order bride.
What would his father think? What would his grandfather think? What would the North Korean people think if they knew the truth about Kim and this ol’ westerner who has taken a liking to him?
Kim hears the whispers. He hears the silence whenever he comes around. They know. He knows they know. But he can’t appear weak. He can’t let his western mate continue to make a fool of him before his people.
“I know Donald,” Kim said. Trump eyes went wide. He knew he was in trouble for something because Kim only called him Donald when he had done something wrong. “I know Donald,” Kim said a little louder and firmer. “I
“Know what? Tell me,” said Trump.
"I know about you and Shinzo," said Kim. “What about me and Shinzo?”
Trump said to Kim. “Kim no fool Donald. I know you’ve been talking to Shinzo. He
tell everyone that you asked him to help you get Nobel Peace
Prize. I know. You only want Kim to put away nukes so you can
get Peace Prize. I know Donald. I know,”
Kim told Trump.
Trump said he had to speak quickly because he knew he had lost Kim:
“I said, ‘Kim.’ That’s what I call him, Kim. We’re on a first name
basis. He loves me. I love him. He writes me letters. I write him
letters. It’s beautiful, just beautiful. So I say, ‘Kim, I was joking
with Shinzo. He doesn’t love me. He loves Obama. He’s an Obama
man. You’re a Trump man. I didn’t know he would take me
With a single tear slowly
making its way down his little puffy cheeks, Kim spoke firmly:
“I know Donald. I know. Kim know you were just using Kim. No
more, Donald. No more using Kim. No more.”
Seeing that single tear slowly flow down Kim’s puffy cheeks made Trump sad. Kim doesn’t cry. He just doesn’t.
The ol’ man slumped his shoulders and let his head hang low. He clasped his hands together, closed his eyes, and then took a deep breath.
The most powerful man in the world had lost his Kim. And Trump knew that if he was going to get his Kim back then he would have to talk about the one thing that brought them together, money:
“You will have more money than you have ever dreamed of
having. Think of it from a real estate perspective. You have
South Korea. You have China and they all land there in the
middle. How bad is that, right? It’s great. China and South Korea
won’t be able to compete with you. Look at this view, foreigners
will love it. And you can still have your fireworks show. All you
have to say is that it’s your way of thanking them for coming to
your country. You can even fly a plane overhead and spell out the
words “Thank You” to them. Foreigners, especially rich
westerners, love that. They love it, just love it. But he says, ‘No.’
He says he can’t trust me because of my wife, America. I tried
telling him that America and I don’t even sleep in the same
room. She’s there and I’m over here. But he says, ‘You do
everything for her, nothing for me. You even tried using me to
get Nobel Peace Prize for her. No.’ So hey, what else could I do?”
Trump said that ending the relationship was the hardest thing he’s ever done in his life.
The late night calls. The letters. The tweets really helped him to turn his hair from white yellow to orange again.
The ol’ man was visibly sad. He rocked back ‘n’ forth, clasped his hands together, and looked around the room. He even grabbed a Kleenex tissue and dabbed at his eyes.
The little ol’ fellow took a deep breath and then said in a quiet whisper, “Kim really
understands me. He’s helped me through a lot of late nights. I don’t know
what I’m gonna do without my little Kim.”