Nathan'ette Burdine's The Nyle Magazine

  News     Politics       Entertainment      Under the Radar      Double-Talking            

 Under the Radar Archive 2018

Why do humans like feeding bears?!
by Nathan'ette Burdine: December 28, 2018

Why do humans like Randy Scott and Megan Hiltz like feeding bear cubs who will one day grow up and see them as a nice treat to eat?

Those two got themselves into a heap of trouble after the British Columbia Conservation Office found out about them posting images of themselves feeding Tim Horton's doughnuts to the little bear cubs.

Scott and Hiltz were both hit with a $345 fine under Section 33.1 of British Columbia’s Wildlife Act.

Don’t get me wrong, now. I’m glad the little bear cubs got a chance to enjoy the sugary treats.

Hey, just because the bear cubs are wild animals it doesn’t mean they don’t have a right to wrap their little bear lips around the sugary dough.

Y’all let strangers feed y’all’s kids all of that candy and whatnot during Halloween.

So why can’t a mama bear let two humans help her babies get a sugar high during the summer time?! The little bear cubs have a right to be all sugared up! They deserve good food and good living too!

All I’m saying is that it’s not a good idea to treat little bear cubs like puppies.

Y’all sitting in y’all’s cars with y’all’s hands stuck out the window saying, “Here boy! Here girl! Come on! Come ‘n’ get it! Good boy! Good girl!”

All the while, mama bear is standing in the background behind those really tall trees in the woods saying to herself, “Hm, I never thought the day would come when our food would feed us!”

And to top it off, y’all humans don’t even know that y’all have helped the bears to find a new way to hunt for their food.

No longer do the bears have to case y’all out, sneak up on y’all, and then maul y’all to death.

All the bears have to do in order to lure y’all crazy humans in is to send the cute little bear cubs y’all’s way.

Y’all got y’all’s hands stuck out the window, feeding the little bear cubs Tim Horton’s doughnuts while the mama bear got her paws through the passenger side, pulling y’all out, and balling y’all into a human doughnut.

It’s like taking in a lion cub, bottle feeding it, and then wondering why it keeps stalking you at night.

And then one day, BAAM! Mittens pounces on you! And to make matters worse, Mittens puts y’all’s human training of her into use by opening up the refrigerator door, like y’all taught her to, getting the bottle of Heinz Ketchup and then pouring it on you before she begins to chow down.

Just like Mittens really isn’t Simba on Lion King, that bear cub that some of y’all be feeding really isn’t one of the Care Bears showering rainbows, hearts, and sprinkles on y’all every time y’all give him or her a sugary treat to eat.

That bear is a bear! It’s a wild animal who can’t live off of baby back ribs, but can live off of y’all’s back ribs.

There y’all are, sitting up there dead while the bear is digesting y’all just before he or she goes into hibernation.

comments powered by Disqus