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The War in Words William and Lydia

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William to Lydia-WHY WOULD
YOU SEND A FIVE-YEAR-OLD
TO A WAR ZONE?!
by Nathan'ette Burdine: November 17, 2019
 


Men folks, and some of you women folks, if y’all think the day will come when y’all have to ask y’all’s wives, “WHY WOULD YOU SEND A FIVE-YEAR-OLD TO A WAR ZONE,” don’t marry the woman. That’s a woman who’s not working with a full deck of cards.

Let me tell y’all a story, courtesy of Saturday Night Live, about a fella named William who had to go through this exact same thing with his ol’ lady, Lydia.

William (Mikey Day) and Lydia (Phoebe Waller-Bridge) have been married for over five years. During that time, they made a son, got a house, and lived the good life. But then WWII came and William was sent off, overseas there, to Europe.

All of the bad food and rotten stench of men not bathing caused William to long for home and the comforting smell of the lilac perfume his wife wore. So, he did the only thing he could do which was to write letters to his “lovely,” dear heart wife, Lydia.

The letters took a couple of months to reach Lydia because they were letters. You had to get the pen, the paper, the envelope, and the time to write and mail the letters out. It was no way how it is today whereby all you have to do is post Instagram photos or upload YouTube videos about your time during war.

Back then, you had to know how to write, back an envelope, and mail it to the right person at the right address. Today, unh-unh, all you have to do is know how to tweet. Times have changed.

William wrote Lydia about his time during WWII. He told her about the rotten food, the rotten smells, and the bombing that had him needing to read her words and see her in the pictures that she sent to him.

Lydia, though, wasn’t up to being the sunshine that brighten up William’s life. She had gotten word that William was at some shindig taking pictures with “a whore,” which led to her “paling around” with Adolf Hitler and his hellward bound pals.

    "My God Lydia, I cannot believe what I’ve just seen. You appear to
     be paling around with Adolf Hitler and his friends as if you’re one
     of the gang. What led to this? I demand an explanation. Your
     horrified husband, William."

    "Dear William, Oooh, I see. So when you talk to some French
     whore, it was nothing move on. But when I go to a party, where
     there happens to be a man, It’s I demand an explanation?"

    "YES, BECAUSE IT’S HITLER!"

Before y’all go justifying Lydia’s craziness with, “He shouldn’t’ve been talking to that ‘French whore,’” just know that William wasn’t talking to the “French whore.” She was talking to him. He was just trying to get a cherry cola when he looks up and sees this dame standing before him.

What was he suppose to do, be rude and not say hi or even pardon me ma’am? There was no move, on William’s part, to get all up into the French lady’s knickers. All he was doing was being gentleman like. But due to Lydia being the stereotypical crazy dame, she decided that the best way to hurt William was by telling him that his mama and daddy had died.

    "I’m only glad your father is not alive to see what a hypocrite
     you’ve become. Love, Lydia."

    "Darling Lydia, has my father passed away? This is the first I’m
     hearing of this. How did he go? Also, still rapidly curious about
    the Hitler overture. Answers, please, William."

    "William, I think your father died of a broken heart. He just
     couldn’t bear to go on without your mother. Love, Lydia."

    "MY MOTHER PASSED AS WELL?! Darling, I do not think we should
    write to each other anymore. But know that I love you and our son
    dearly. Give him a kiss for me and tell him to be a brave lad. Love,
    William.”

Like so many men and some women, William loves his crazy wife. It’s just that like all crazy people, Lydia has a tendency to see and hear things that aren’t there; like that whole “French whore” business.

And because Lydia still had it set in her mind that William was cheating on her with one of the Allied forces, she decided she would teach him a lesson by sending their son to the war zone for him to take care of so he could see how hard it is to be a parent raising a child while the other parent was away. "WHY WOULD YOU SEND A FIVE-YEAR-OLD TO A WAR ZONE," is what William screamed after reading Lydia's letter.

Oh yeah, the dog is dead.








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