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 Entertainment Archive 2017

Xentrex will keep you down while you're up
by Nathan'ette Burdine: May 27, 2017

Xentrex keeps a man down while he’s up. It’ll get a man’s pole off the ground, have it standing at attention, hooting and tooting.

At least, that’s what a fifty-year-old construction worker played by Dwayne Johnson said on Saturday Night Live.

“You know, when I hit fifty my body went through a big change and not for the better. Severe erectile dysfunction shattered my confidence, sent me into a depression, and almost ruined my marriage. And believe me, I tried everything. But then a friend told me about Xentrex,” said Johnson's 50-year-old character.

Xentrex is Viagra on 100. It gets the blood flowing and the neurons firing all at the same time. Now, all of this biological activity ain’t always good for you.

Xentrex has some side effects that can make you do things like choke your good doctor who’s rightfully worried about Xentrex potency.

It can also make you crazy, lazy, and have you not shitting for days. And like all real good drugs that work just a little too good, Xentrex can cause you to go through some things physically that are not listed on the bottle.

“I get the sweats, my bones are cold, my teeth are loose, my heart gets really, really hot, I can read minds, and sometimes I wake up driving a stolen car but my erections are fantastic. When I wear gray sweat pants, people cross the street which is fine. Xentrex gave me my life back. Hail Satan,” said Johnson’s 50-year-old character.

Now, if you’re ok with having all of these problems, hurry up and go on the first street corner you see and buy your bottle of Xentrex today.

It’s made in South Africa. It has “rhino horn and ammonia hydroxide in it.” But don’t worry, this is the shit you need in order to satisfy your wife’s needs.

WARNING-There is no such thing as Xentrex.  So please don’t go on a street corner trying to buy it.

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